NSV’s are for me

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So I keep doing these extended breaks…it’s unintentional, I promise. I love coming back and reading the posts from some of my favorites and getting inspired all over again by you. Here’s a little update on me…

The holidays were a challenge for me. I ate too many things that I shouldn’t have. Combine that with the fact that my weight is stalling/fluctuating SO much the last few weeks, I wasn’t thrilled with myself. After New Year’s I did a 5 day pouch reset (this was approved by my nutritionist) and it really DID help me to get my eating back in control and made me realize I was allowing carbs back into my life WAY too much. It’s been 2 weeks since my resent ended and I’m still doing well in the eating department. I’ve started tracking again and I’m keeping a close eye on my carb intake…hopefully I can stay on this positive track now!

So even though  my eating is a lot better, my weight is really fluctuating lately. It seems I’ve been losing and gaining the same few pounds since my reset ended. It’s frustrating, especially when I feel like I’m doing things right. If it keeps up, I think I’m going to email my nut and get some thoughts from her.

Since my weight has been wonky lately, I haven’t been able to celebrate many scale goals, but I HAVE been able to celebrate a few NSV’s!

  • I bought size 18 jeans and some XL tops. Whaaaat?! I KNOW I haven’t worn those sizes since middle school. I’ve always been big and my sizes were always in the 20’s through high school. So I am officially smaller than I was in middle school. Starting from a size 28-30 jeans and a 4x top…I’m pretty happy!
  • I’ve been wanting to try a Bodypump class for a long time, but I was completely intimidated to do so. When I told my trainer it was out of my comfort zone, his response was “You know how you get better? By stepping out of your comfort zone.” So I stepped WAY out and attended my first class on Saturday. While I wouldn’t call it fun…I DID like it, I felt amazing when I finished and I will be adding one a week to my gym schedule. I also am going to add a yoga class each week. We still meet with the trainer once a week and I do cardio a few days a week….my exercise game has never been better! I’m still dying to try a spinning class…but I think I’ll have to work up a little more confidence before I try that one.
  • My sister-in-laws baby shower was last weekend and I had SO many family members and friends telling me how “skinny” I was. I still don’t feel skinny. But, I saw some photos my aunt posted on Facebook and one was a back/side view of myself….and I didn’t SEE a 400lb girl. I saw a girl who still has some work to do, but who, for the first time ever, is starting to see what other people see. I still wouldn’t venture to use the word skinny to describe me. But I definitely don’t feel like a whale anymore either.

Finally, a weight update…I was 267.4 this morning. Which is up from my post-pouch test low of 264.4. There’s those few lbs I’ve been talking about. Granted, I just finished up with my period, so I’m hoping over the next few days they’ll work their way back out!

Until next time friends…and I do promise I’ll try not to wait so long to check in next time 🙂

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Hello Again!

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Well hello there! To say I took a little break is an understatement. I flat out kinda forgot about this thing for awhile. But things around here are good….so good! Here’s a few updates from when I wrote last on 11/14 (holy geez!):

  • I broke my stall! And I’m currently about 17 lbs from where I stalled at…so to say I broke it is an understatement, ha! It was frustrating, but I knew it was going to happen at some point. I’ve made a conscious effort to reduce my carb intake and I fully believe that has a LOT to do with how much weight I’ve dropped in the last few weeks. It’s so easy to get sucked back into a carby lifestyle, so I’m glad I got myself back in control before it became a problem.
  • I had my 8 month follow-up with my surgeon and nutritionist. It went fantastic! I did not hit my 280 goal by my appt (which was 12/2, technically about 2 weeks before my official 8 month surgiversary anyways), but I came within 1.8 lbs, so I can deal. The surgeon was thrilled with my progress…I’ve lost 52% of my excess body weight. He said they like to see that in a year and I’ve done it in 8 months…yay!
  • While at my appt, I asked Dr. K about getting pregnant. They recommend waiting at least 12 months, but he told me that he feels that if I were to get pregnant now, there is absolutely no reason that I shouldn’t have a healthy pregnancy. He said if I felt that I have my eating in control and feel that this is a good time in my life to pursue a pregnancy (along with the fact that I’m creeping very close to “advanced maternal age”) that he has no problems with me doing so!
  • As a result of that statement, I called my fertility specialist, who I haven’t seen since June 2014 (there was no point in going when I wasn’t at a weight he wanted me at) and have an appt for 1/31/17…I want to have my bloodwork redone to see if I still have PCOS, etc. Game on people!
  • I’m still going strong with going to the gym and I’m there 4-5 days a week. I haven’t been there in a week and a half though because I’ve been battling a nasty case of bronchitis (ugh) and I MISS IT….who am I?! I’m going back tonight and I’m actually excited. Who is this and where is Lindsay?!
  • Size update….so today I’m wearing an XXL sweater from Old Navy and size 22 skinny jeans from Torrid that both fit me just fine the last time I wore them a few weeks ago. The sweater is big and the jeans have extra room. So, I’d bet I could do a size XL sweater and 20 jeans…whaaaaat? From Old Navy, I am definitely in a size 20 and could probably do a size 18, except I hike them up over my tummy fat/skin. I recently bought 2 sweaters from Lane Bryant that were a size 18/20 and the sales girl told me they run small. I still can’t believe this is me now and this is my life!
  • I got through my first sleeved holiday well…we had Friendsgiving and Thanksgiving meals and I had a little bit of everything, eating my turkey first and I didn’t feel slighted or deprived in the least. Christmas will be a challenge because of the cookies and sweets. We have a family Christmas party this weekend, so that’ll be my first major Christmas challenge…we’ll see how it goes!
  • And finally, a weight update…the last time I weighed in here was 10/27/16 and I was 292.6. As of this morning, I’m down to 270.8! That’s over 20 lbs in 6 weeks! Woohoo…I’ll take it 🙂

Until next time…I’ll try and come back before Christmas, but if I don’t get here…I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and the Happiest of New Year’s!

Fat Girl Mentality

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I pulled the disappearing act again…sorry about that. I just caught up on what I missed with those I follow and even though I didn’t comment on everything…I’m rooting for you all! I think about blogging, especially when something comes to mind and I’m all “oh I should blog about that!” and then I just don’t…or I forget…or an election happens and I needed to take a social media break because of some of the hateful, mean hearted things I saw spewing from the mouths (fingers?) of people I considered friends or acquaintances. But I digress.

So the last few weeks haven’t been overly eventful…mostly in part because I’m in the midst of a scale stall that is going on week 3 this week. At least I’m not gaining, but not losing either is a total mind fuck. I knew it would happen sooner or later, I mean, I’ve lost 140 lbs since January! But damn if it doesn’t sting. I told hubs to hide the scale from me, I was going to join in the “no scale November” movement I’ve seen over on Instagram. But of course, he keeps forgetting. And of course I have no self control to NOT weigh myself every morning like always. I see the surgeon and nutritionist on 12/2 for my 8 month follow up and I wanted to be at 280…I’m at 287 currently. I’d REALLY like to hit 280 in the next 2.5 weeks, so we’ll see. I need to realize that it’s ok if I don’t though.

Even though the scale has stalled, I at least know I’m still losing INCHES…woot! Pictures/measurements last night proved that. I’ve lost another 6 inches total…most of that from my chest and waist. A month ago my mom gave me a bunch of size 24 pants/jeans that she had grown out of and they are all too big now. I’m in a solid 22 (unless I go to Old Navy, then I can get in a WOMEN’S 20…NOT plus 20!!). Shirts I’m ranging from XXL (in WOMEN’S!) to a 2x in plus. Progress. I’ll take it any way I can get it 🙂

I was talking with some friends the other day and they were saying that I’m “so skinny!” and I was like whaaaat?? I am NOT skinny. It’s so weird how when I was 428 lbs, I saw myself as fat….but I still thought I looked ok. But now, I look back at pictures of myself and I think “OMG…how is it possible I was ever that big??” But yet, when I look in the mirror, I don’t see skinny either. A lot of that probably is because at 287 lbs, I am FAR from skinny…but at the same time, after having lost 140 lbs, I should FEEL skinnier, right? I am hoping that comes over time. I’ve literally lived my entire life as a fat person. When I was a kid, I had to shop in the “girls plus” part of the stores. Graduating HS I was one of the biggest girls in the school. When I got married I had to get a size 28 wedding gown and have a corset back put in b/c the 28 wouldn’t zip and the dress didn’t come any bigger. A lifetime of seeing yourself at that size is hard to just forget overnight. But at least I know that I am happier than I have ever been. I am healthier than I have ever been. I can do things that I haven’t been able to do in a very long time, if ever. I am reinventing myself from a fat girl to a fit girl. I’m ok if I’m never skinny…I just want to be healthy. And wearing a size 14 wouldn’t hurt either 🙂

A little perspective…I took this a few weeks ago. This shows the inches lost in my waist and my hips. Holy mother….how was I THAT big?!

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And an update from my progress pics…look at the chair rail behind me. In April, you couldn’t see it b/c my body covered the.entire.thing. I love my sleeve 🙂  The orange shirt is gonna find it’s way to the trash pile soon…it’s a 4x and I swim in it now. But it’s so comfy and easy to toss on for the gym lol!

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Long Time, No Blog

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I went on a bit of a blogging hiatus…sometimes I forget and then sometimes I just feel like I don’t have anything to say or don’t feel like updating…sorry not sorry? So this post is gonna be pretty random and bulleted…deal with it 🙂

  • As of this morning, just over 6 months out, I hit the 100 lbs lost since surgery mark! This makes me so excited and I’m kind of in disbelief a little bit. I lost 100 lbs in 6 months? And 140 in 10  months? What the what?!
  • I’ve stepped up my gym game BIG time…and it was MUCH needed. I’m going 4-5 days a week now, see the trainer once a week and alternate with all cardio and a combo of cardio/strength training. I really think it’s making a difference in not only the scale, but also my measurements and the way clothes are fitting me!
  • I went to Old Navy over the weekend to return a pair of jeans that were too big (say what?!) and decided to grab a pair of 20’s and try them on. And you know what? THEY FIT!! They’re a little snug, but THEY FIT…and they fit well enough that I can wear them now, but they’re snug enough that I don’t think I’ll grow out of them super fast. You better believe I bought those suckers! I also bought a sweater in an XXL and a tunic in an XL. This means that I can officially wear clothes that are NOT PLUS SIZE!! Woohooooooo! I know ON’s clothes run a little big…BUT, I also bought a cardigan in an XXL from Gap, sooooo there’s that 🙂 🙂
  • I’ve finished week 2 of Couch25K on Monday. I decided that I’m going to repeat week 2 as I still need to work on controlling my breathing at 90 seconds before I bump up to 3 minutes. I’ll re-start Week 2 Day 1 tonight and hopefully will be on to Week 3 in no time!
  • I decided to try the elliptical last night…I’ve NEVER been able to stay on it very long. So I told myself I’d do 10 minutes. I ended up doing 30 minutes for a distance of 2 miles…it. felt. awesome.
  • I’m all around feeling good….I’m finding I’m a more positive person. I don’t feel like an outsider anymore. I’m feeling more like a “normal” person, not a fat person. I don’t worry that people are staring at me when I go out anymore b/c of my hugeness….now I feel like I blend in a little better. I don’t have to worry about not fitting in a seat or getting out of breath because I’m going up some steps. I’m healthier and happier and that is a pretty amazing feeling.

Week 25 & 26 stats:
Week 24 weight: 298.8
Week 25 weight: 295.8
Week 26 weight: 292.6
Total 2 Week Loss: 6.2 lbs
Lost since surgery: 97.2 lbs
Total lost: 135.6 lbs since January

6 Month Surgiversary

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Six months…wowza! Time flies when you’re having fun. Some observations after 6 months of sleeved-ness:

  1. All those times pre-sleeve I “thought” I was hungry and chowed down on junk? Yea, I definitely wasn’t hungry. Emotional eating is real and was a HUGE reason as to why I allowed my weight to get so out of control.
  2. All those times pre-sleeve that I “thought” I looked good in my clothes or in a photo? I think I was deluding myself. I look back at those pictures now, the ones where I thought I was looking goooood and think to myself…”dayum, you were out of control.”
  3. All those times pre-sleeve that I “thought” that “next Monday is THE day I’m going to get my shit together.” I was never actually going to get my shit together. I was going to keep cycling between losing and gaining. I was going to keep it up for a few weeks and then fall off the wagon and start all over again.
  4. All those tears, pain, struggle and strife pre-sleeve? It was completely worth it…because without them, I wouldn’t be where I am now. I wouldn’t have realized that I needed to do something for ME. I wouldn’t have realized that my lifestyle was extremely unhealthy and I needed to do something about it before it killed me. I would still be cycling between losing and gaining.

Undergoing this surgery and taking back control of my life has hands down, been the best decision I have ever made. I actually mentally kick myself for not doing it years ago. I know that everything happens for a reason and I am happier now than I can remember being in a long time. I feel strong, happy, healthy and my self-confidence is growing by leaps and bounds. It’s such an amazing feeling and I wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world.

In the last 6 months, I have lost 92.4 pounds and 41 inches; 24 of those inches from my waist and hips. My BMI has gone from a 63 to 44 (!!!). I’ve gone from a size 28-30 pants to a 22-24; a 4x shirt to a 2x shirt. My bra size has dropped in the band AND the cup. I might have droopy, saggy skin…but you know what? I’m ok with that! Because that skin tells a story and it’s going to have one hell of a happier ever after!

I’m going to start C25K tonight…and I’m excited about it! I’ll update my progress as I move along, but I’ve been doing short running intervals for awhile, so I am confident that I can and WILL do this!

Oh and just a little side note…I started a WLS only instagram. If you’re on, please feel free to follow me 🙂 Screen name is the_vsg_and_me

Just a comparison…left pic was right after Christmas last year…right pic was last night.

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Two-derland?

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So this happened this morning. What’s this even called…twoderland? That sounds stupid lol!

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I can’t even begin to tell you how happy and exciting this makes me. And seeing as how I overslept by an hour, I barely had time to celebrate it. But it’s there…I’m under 300. For the first time since probably high school, which was 15 years ago. And I’m never going to see 300 again. Ever.

In other news, hubs and I met with Trainer Dan on Thursday. Holy. Shit. Homie doesn’t play! But it was awesome…I felt like I was working HARD and it burned so good. I’m STILL a little sore, but I’m not complaining about it. I’m savoring it. Because I know these sessions are going to help me reach my goals and that’s what I have my eye on. We meet with him again tomorrow and while I’m dreading the hurt, I’m looking forward to the hurt!

I think I’m going to start C25K the next time I’m at the gym. I’ve been doing my intervals on the treadmill, run for about a minute, walk for 3 or so. C25K will help me ramp that up and start progressing to running for longer. Hopefully by the spring I’ll be able to meet my goal of running a 5k without stopping! I think in the December/January time frame, I’m going to sign up for one to do my run/walk 5k goal. I just need to learn how to control my breathing. My legs and knees feel fine, I just get so out of breath so quickly and that’s what I want to work on.

Some NSV’s from the last few days…

  • Hubs and I went to a Phillies game yesterday. Let me tell you, those stadium seats used to be extremely uncomfortable…I’ve already had bruises on my upper thighs from not fitting properly. Yesterday? I fit! No pain, no bruises, no feeling like I was overflowing in the seat. Woohoo!!
  • The shirt I’m wearing today was my “motivation” shirt from a few years ago…I bought it too small b/c it was the last one and I loved it. It’s the type of material that has NO give to it, so there was no way I was wearing it back then. I started gaining weight back and it never fit. This morning? Fits great….it’s almost on the verge of being TOO BIG!

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  • I’m wearing a size 22-24 in pants, with the 24’s being a little big, but I can get by. I’m in a 2x shirt and I can shop in the regular women’s section at Old Navy in their xxl size…exciting!!

Week 24 stats:
Week 23 weight: 303.6
Week 24 weight: 298.8
Total Loss: 4.8 lbs
Lost since surgery: 91 lbs
Total lost: 129.4 lbs since January

Randoms for Week 23

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So I don’t have anything overly exciting to talk about today…just a little randomness and my weigh in 🙂

  • As of today, my BMI is a 44…which of course is still in the morbidly obese category, but seeing as how I started with a BMI of 63, I’m THRILLED with this. I remember when I was seeing the fertility specialist a few years ago, he wanted me at a BMI of 50 to pursue any fertility treatments. I’ve blown this out of the water and I can’t wait to go back and parade my progress around to him!
  • Speaking of the fertility specialist…I think I’m going to make an appointment to meet with him after New Year’s. I’d like to get my bloodwork re-checked for PCOS and talk about what steps we’re going to take from there. My surgeon recommends waiting a year to get pregnant, but I want to be prepared when that year rolls around. We’ve waited so many years for a baby and I’m not waiting any longer than I have to.
  • Hubs is travelling for work for the next few days…that means I’m on my own for gym/exercise motivation. Luckily, we are finally having fall weather, so I’m hoping that will entice me to outdoor bike rides/walks!
  • I am SO close to being 299…I can almost taste it. My goal for the week is to hit that weight by my weigh in next Monday morning. I can’t even tell you the last time I was below 300, so this is a pretty big milestone for me!
  • Has anyone tried the FlipJacks Mighty Muffins? They have 20g of protein for 1 cup and are pretty low in carbs. I’m obsessed with the peanut butter…I could eat it all day. But I try to stick with having one for breakfast 1-2 times per week.
  • Michelle from rny4me inspired me with her half marathon goal her one year surgiversary. So I want to set a goal for myself as well. I have NO clue what it’ll be yet, but it’s something to think about. I want to do something that I never would have thought I could do before.

Week 23 stats:
Week 22 weight: 307.8
Week 23 weight: 303.6
Total Loss: 4.2 lbs
Lost since surgery: 86.2 lbs
Total lost: 124.6 lbs since January

Disbelief?

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So on my drive into work this morning I was thinking (I have an hour commute…lots of thinking time lol!) about how sometimes it still seems surreal to me that THIS is my life now. That I am sleeved. That I weigh less than I have probably since high school (15 years ago). That I am starting to look like the kind of girl who can feel good about her looks. That I look at a picture of myself and somethings think “holy shit, I look skinny!” In what universe, in what world did I ever think I would look at a picture and think that? I am slowly morphing into a person who is confident, who feels pretty ok in her skin and who values exercise over being lazy (ok, I still struggle with this sometimes…but Rome wasn’t built in a day, right?). This surgery is truly a whole self experience. It’s not just about losing the weight and being healthier. It’s about improving my mental health, my self image and the feeling that I deserve more out of life than just being fat. And you know what? It’s a pretty amazing f-ing feeling.

Enough of the deep stuff….it’s too early on a Friday for all that 🙂

Hubs and I met with trainer Dan on Tuesday. And it went pretty well. This was more of a get-to-know-you session where we sat down and told him about our surgeries and what we are looking to get out of having a trainer. Then he had us some functional movement test, which involved a bunch of random movements (squats while holding a bar above our heads, laying on the floor and raising our legs, etc). I guess the purpose was for him to see where we are and rank us on some “scale” to see where he should start and what kinds of things we can do. We don’t meet with him again till Thursday, so I’m anxious to see what he has in store for us. And a little nervous that I won’t be able to walk on Friday.

Oh and I have a NSV!! So today is jersey day at work in honor of the Eagles & Steelers game on Sunday (its to benefit our seasonal fundraising efforts…pay $3 and you can wear your favorite teams jersey to work). The only Eagles shirt I have is long sleeve and it’s a high of 87 today….so last night I went in search of a t-shirt. I ended up buying 2 at Old Navy. In a size XXL…which was NOT in the plus size section. That’s right ya’ll…I just bought my first piece of clothing in a non-plus size section! Granted, I think ON’s stuff runs a little on the larger side. But it’s a win and I’ll take it!

And just cause….Fly Eagles Fly!

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The Girl Who Had No Clothes

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Another week gone by, another pair of pants in the consign pile. Not that this is a bad problem to have, just an expensive one 🙂 Let’s just say I’m glad fall is on the way, because I’ve stretched my summer clothes about as far as I think they’re going to go. What a GOOD feeling though…to have my clothes be too big instead of too small, which was the story of my former life.

Things in VSG world are going well as usual. I started tracking my food again as I realized that I really had no idea how much protein/calories I’ve been getting in a day lately. I’m very cognizant of slipping back into old habits and I feel that getting back into the tracking habit will help with that a lot! I feel like I’ve been using the phrase “I indulged a little” a lot lately in response to the various trips and parties we’ve been to over the summer. I don’t want a little to turn into a lot and a lot to turn into re-gain before I’ve even hit the 1 year mark. Thus, I’m nipping that ish in the bud now!

Number two on my “back on track” list is exercise. While I’ve at least been doing SOMETHING, I know it’s not often enough. So, hubs and I are meeting with a trainer at our gym tomorrow to go over goals/what we want to get out of seeing him and then we’ll set up some training sessions for the next few weeks. I’d like to focus on strength training…I know what to do for cardio. It’s that big, scary weight room, full of buff men and women that intimidates me! For now we’re signing up for 5 sessions and decide if we’re good with those or want to do 5 more. I know a trainer is going to help keep me accountable to exercise…not only will I have a concrete appointment on my calendar, but I know he’ll see me around the gym on days we aren’t meeting with him. And in my mind, someone else knowing what I’m doing helps to keep me accountable.

Speaking of hubs…I haven’t given an update on him lately. He’s doing fantastic since his surgery! He’s a little over 2 months out and has lost a little over 50 lbs since surgery and close to 90 since he started the program in February. I’m so proud of him! I can’t imagine being on this journey without his love and support and the fact that he’s on the same journey makes it all the more special. Looking at pictures of us in the past and comparing them with now is like night and day. Case in point…

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The top picture was my BIL’s wedding 6 years ago, the bottom pic was at another wedding this weekend. We feel better, we look better and we are enjoying a new lease on life together. I almost can’t stop looking at this picture because I can’t believe that is US and how far we’ve come and what we used to look like!! It’s a freakin fabulous feeling!

Progress pics are up and my measurements are updated too!
Week 22 stats:
Week 21 weight: 311.4
Week 22 weight: 307.8
Total Loss: 3.6 lbs
Lost since surgery: 82 lbs
Total lost: 120.4 lbs since January

FIVE Months…whaaat?

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I can’t even believe FIVE months have gone by since I had surgery. SO much has happened in that time and I’ve made so many positive changes in those five months. I weigh less than I can ever remember weighing in my adult life. I don’t get winded from simple activities anymore. I have clothing options (you know, like going up a size) and have to return clothes because they are too BIG. I feel good, I eat better and I know what healthy choices I need to be making. I have lost the equivalent to a 26 medieval axes (LOL!). I am happy and I am grateful. I’m anxious to do photos and measurements tonight…it’s always exciting to see how my body is changing because it’s so hard to see day-to-day!

The past several days I spent at the beach with family. My pre-planning paid off and while I indulged a bit, I stayed largely on track. My aunt and I went for a walk one morning and I didn’t feel like I couldn’t talk because I was huffing and puffing my way along. The two block walk to the beach was MUCH easier this year than in other years. I didn’t beg hubs to go get me breakfast because I was feeling too lazy to walk. It’s so weird how little things like that, that other people take for granted, are so exciting to me now. And I think that compared to next year, the beach will be a breeze!

I have to say, coming home yesterday was a little sad…this beach trip (it’s an annual thing) always marks the official end of summer for me. No more vacations or trips planned and not much to look forward to until the holidays. I will say though that I’m SO ready for fall. I’m ready to turn my A/C off and open the windows, carve pumpkins, break out boots and sweaters (what few I have that fit, ha!) and enjoy some time around the fire pit (it’s been too darn hot this summer to use it!).

Week 21 stats:
Week 20 weight: 314.4
Week 21 weight: 311.4
Total Loss: 3 lbs
Lost since surgery: 78.4 lbs
Total lost: 116.8 lbs since January